Kansas: The gayest thing on a football field since the Prince halftime show.

 I've got one thing to say to any Kansas fans out there:

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and in this case most of those words describe how much Kansas sucks.  Welcome to real football kiddos.  No matter how many high school football teams you beat, you will never be as good as Missouri.

And seriously...

• The traditional sunflower formation and dance routine?  W. T. F.  Did a 8 year old girl come up with your pregame show?
• I honestly just thought that when you guys were flailing around after finally scoring 40 minutes into the game it was because it had been so long since you had a winning season that you forgot how to cheer.  But then I hear from someone that its supposed to be fields of grain or corn or wheat or some other awesome past-time of Kansas.  The fact that you did it on purpose as a testament to your agricultural prowess is just disturbing.

That being said, thanks for padding your schedule and getting so highly ranked right before playing us.  Not only was it fun to crush your perfect season dreams, but without it, we might be number 2 instead of number 1 right now.  See you next year fellas.  Rock Chalk, Chicken Hawk, FKU!

Instant Facebook Messaging

One of my favorite things is when I'm browsing facebook and someone sends me a note in the middle of my session.  I love this because I can send one right back and about 90% of the time it turns a medium that is the equivalent of email into an awkward instant messaging program.  Nothing passes the time like clicking refresh every 10 seconds to make sure you didnt miss the last message.  The only real problem is that facebook sends you an email every time you recieve a message on facebook, so if you have a 20 minute conversation, your inbox looks like this:

Needless to say, I was suprised at first to see that I had 29 new messages when I had just checked my email 20 minutes ago.  That feeling was soon depressed by the dissappointment that 28 of them were from the conversation I had and the other 1 was from a lady who claims to have intimate knowledge about the size of my what-nots and would like to sell me some drugs.  What would I do without you facebook?  I'd probably have no reason to have an email account at all.  I've gotten to the point where email is just a convenient way of knowing everything that happened to me on facebook.

Its like winning a nobel piece prize... only better.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I can say that I have a new greatest accomplishment for my life.  I proudly present to you some of my best work ever:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5645636200477282071

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2896069387176671858

Yes, my friends, you know you've made it when your friend tells you he found you on google video doing the "Superman That Ho" dance drunk at a tailgate.  It's a bit dark, but its still a fine piece of cinema.  The audio in the background really captures the moment.  I can honestly say that this is probably some of my best work.  I did the entire thing without putting down or spilling the beer in my hand.  I can guarantee that my father will never be this proud of me ever again.

It's about time.

 I hate to jinx it people, but I think fall might actually be arriving at last.  I happened to go on yahoo weather this evening and found this:

Finally.  Highs less than 70 degrees in the forecast.   Now I don't mind the insane heat when its summer because I can always go swimming or just stay inside.  But when classes come arround, it really sucks to get home after a few hours of lecture and have to change shirts because you feel like you're wearing a wet sack.  I would also submit that the suckiness increases exponentially as the year goes onward and the expected temperatures decrease.  To illustrate my point, I've drawn the following figure.

As you can see, my tolerance of insane heat peaks sometime in July.  I believe this is due to the combination of it being socially acceptable to walk around without a shirt on and the fact that the number of girls walking around in swimsuits also peaks in that month.  To illustrate this point, I've drawn a second figure with a pink trendline indicating the number of girls walking around in swimsuits:

The sharp jump at the end of october is due to the shameless exhibitionism that has become synonomous with Halloween.  God bless you ladies.  You dress up as little clothing as you think you can get away with and not freeze to death, and we dress up as the ad-sheet hobos or pirates.

Mizzou: 41 - Nebraska: 6

Probably the best day in football history.  An 8 o'clock kickoff providing a solid 8 hours of bar hopping and tailgating, followed by the most lop-sided thrashing I've ever seen at a football game since my freshman year at Rolla where we started cheering for the other team to get more than 99 points and confuse the two digit scoreboard.  Here are some of my favorite lines out of the local papers:

A successful fake field goal when MU already led by 28 points in the fourth quarter was the sort of extended-middle-finger play call normally saved for a team’s most bitter rival. At last check, that rival is still Kansas, but Nebraska runs second these days. This victory played well with the locals, especially those old enough to remember being on the opposite end of the scoreboard for, oh, pretty much the entirety of the 1980s and ’90s.

The last kick to the hindquarters was the fake field goal with 12:52 left - a 10-yard shovel pass from holder Tommy Saunders to Rucker that provided the final margin in the most lopsided win over Nebraska since 1947. The sea of gold loved that last piece of mischief and amused itself for the rest of the evening by doing the wave, which was interrupted on each trip around Memorial Stadium’s bowl by the sections of departed Nebraska fans.  This one is slightly inaccurate as there were still a small number of Nebraskans left, which made it all the more fun to boo them every time the wave came around to their section and they tried to kill it.